Because my tape-recording inside my head about myself was I can’t do anything right, nobody loves me, there’s something wrong with me and after that first release I could finally see the conditioning at play. I broke down crying in grief when we got to the heart center. In the middle of taking my first Human Design Class, Living Your Design the first time in 2013, I experienced my first profound “shattering” of the not-self mind. Just a function of mechanics in my design (3rd line personality, undefined heart, head and sacral with 3rd lines as well).
I remember as a child growing up, I took every failure as proof that there was something wrong with me, perhaps missing or broken.
Would you like to hear about one of my biggest turning points? Please allow me to illustrate this point with a story wherein perhaps you can identify with what this is like. While no matter what you do, you just can't seem to wake yourself up. Imagine realizing the dream you are in is a nightmare - and your eyes are wide open. Well, sometimes it can be even more horrid to observe. Without awareness, it's a nightmare that you don't even realize you are dreaming in. Not-Self is a term we use to describe deeply conditioned behaviors as a result of our response to the energies of others and the neutrino transit program we encounter every moment of every day. The “Not-Self” seems to take a long time to tame in the beginning. If this is still the case, can I ask your conditioned mind a question?Īre you ready to Surrender? Just give up right now.Īs a 3/5 Profile a "Martyr/Heretic" learning through inevitable mistakes, I found the yammering of mind can be very hard to ignore in the first half of my first 7 years. If you believe the story inside your head about yourself, you are identified with who you are not. Perhaps you’ve seen the not-self mind chatter with awareness, and in the beginning of recognizing your design’s conditioning, been horrified, or in awe, at how precisely Human Design can track your mind’s running commentary about the life experience you are in. I’m updating this article I wrote for Jovian exactly 4 years ago, and specifically writing to those of you who are new to Human Design, yet deep into the Human Design Experiment, within your first 3.5 years.